Grieving Out Loud — In Front of My Team
I want to tell you about my grief process regarding a patient I've spoken about before — the young man with head and neck cancer.
I spoke to my manager beforehand, and requested time to debrief in our IDT meeting.
Telling His Story
I went through the usual process of introducing my patient:
"This is Michael McCarthy (name changed), a 44-year-old male with a diagnosis of tongue cancer…"
As I continued, I told the team about his lovely, supportive wife — willing to do anything that would help her husband. About his parents, who lived across the country, retired, with the means to fly out and support their son and his wife anytime, for as long as necessary.
It was truly a joy to care for this young man with a tragic disease. It was clear how much he loved his wife and family and how much they loved him back.
When the Tears Came
As I told the story — the details of the process of his illness until his death — something shifted. Other memories of caring for him surfaced, and I burst into tears. It progressed into deep, loud sobs.
In the middle of it, a thought flickered through my mind: Oh wow, what are my colleagues thinking?
But I was already too deep into it to stop. So I let go, and I kept crying.
It felt good to let the tears flow.
When the sobs finally stopped, I thanked everyone for their support.
Looking Back
That was the only time I ever asked for space to debrief — and certainly the only time I cried that hard. I believe it was the sheer intensity of feelings I hadn't yet let myself express.
Honestly, I don't remember what my colleagues said or did afterward. What I do remember is that I felt better.
And I hope, in some way, that moment gave them permission too — permission to grieve however they needed to, whenever the intensity of their feelings from doing this work would show up for them.
I'd Love to Hear From You
Do you have a story about your own grief as a hospice or palliative care nurse? I'd love to read it. Email me at helen@helenmchugh.com
A Note on Authorship & AI
The ideas, stories, experiences, and primary content in this article are written by the author. AI tools may occasionally be used for minor editing, such as grammar, clarity, or organization. AI is not used to generate the author’s stories, experiences, or original perspective. All final content is reviewed, revised as needed, and approved by the author before publication.